I wonder if all people live for the magic in life… the memories you can’t explain accurately again.
I would construct these moments before they even happened in my head since I was a little girl, obsessed w/the feeling I’d feel from time to time… how it would change my perspective, my range of emotions, my entire life. .
Now, months away from coming out of my twentysomething years, I feel a bit like I was all wrong. I realize that I can create magic everyday on my own and that it belongs to no one else. It’s watching cartoons on a Saturday morning wrapped in blankets in my hammock. It’s getting to build something truly amazing every single day I go to work. It’s thinking so much my brain literally feels exhausted every night… in the best way possible. It’s my dog licking your face at 2am and it driving me to take the time to drink tea on a blanket in the backyard just to stare at the <5 stars that only ever exist in the London sky. It’s using the time on the tube to learn new things… amazed at the fact there’s a never ending amount of things and people to discover.
Sure, there’s still the moments that exist with someone else, but I’ve learned that these moments aren’t the ones we should seek out. It’s exhausting to hop from magic back to everyday life… to feel like everything and then just disconnect, waiting for the next moment to exist with no control over when it will happen. It’s always a little bit painful, no matter how easy the magic comes the next time around, to have to check out… to feel so disconnected from someone or something for a lot longer than the magic ever exists the next time it appears.
Sitting here tonight next to my dog with a candle burning listening to a record I can lean back and sigh a happy sigh because life is mine, it’s yours… it’s all of ours. We can pull over to look at the stars, keep driving to some destination or change the path whenever we choose. Most of the time we’ll accidentally go over the speed limit, but there will be moments where we’ll purposely slow down to take in life… to close our eyes and really feel it.