mind the gap.

destination set
a monthly agreement that
we can go anywhere
anywhere, within bounds.

you’re moving,
but reality is
the still blurring
& whirling by
eyes fixed
unable to distinguish
the messages
the world spits
in our way.

then there’s something new…
a focus
a stillness
where the world stands still
& it’s safe at last
as we decide on or off…
on…
and it all starts over again
till we get to our safe destination.

mind the gap.

it’s a brave belief: home is wherever you are

it’s a brave belief: home is wherever you are
city to city, you’re there, always there
in heart & ritual…
cinnamon rolls on rainy mornings
lattes & dreaming on the way to work via ferry
hot chocolate via a camping stove
rivers rushing, sticks thrown
& skipping stones
13 (that’s a record – let’s redefine luck)
headlamps leading the way
to your evening
atop a mountain
looking out…
you’re just part
of this giant thing
you want to “get”
front row seats to meteor showers
(the top of your car)
with a boy you mock
for buying peach flavored beer
while you stay up
way too late on a school night
backpacking to overlook a field
where you’re able
to just be by yourself
among 14 strangers
one who has fallen for you
in three days
slightly conservative
with your days
slightly reckless
with your heart
road trips down the coast
flying kites in the starlight
just because no one else
thought of the idea
bonfires next to waves
your dog chases
surfing alone
during shark season
& eating pumpkin pancakes
during sunrise
next to a sandcastle
carved with love
one only gets from believing
you’ll be here forever
even when living across the planet
can’t everywhere be ours?
a deep desire
to be known
an always pressing need
to figure “it” out
five cities later
maybe it’s finally
a truth
that it’s still scary
to define the end
but that the end
isn’t so scary anymore
we are the rituals
we are the reckless kisses
we are the memories
we still wonder about
and if we live right
we are the moments
everyone else dreams
they made time for
exploring and
figuring out
where home really is…

mornings: poetry & gratitude

i kick the leaves covering the sidewalk that’s becoming familiar.  the air is crisp.  the sun is peaking out, but the rain is starting to fall.  the gray consuming.  i drink lattes and fall into day dreams containing poetic thoughts about what life will bring.  mornings fuel poetry & gratitude for me.

my dog licks my face.  while walking she is interrupted by a squirrel.  her focus constant.  when he scampers away she trots happily down the path again, unaffected by the fact she didn’t get to say hello yet again.  she looks back every now & then to make sure i’m keeping up, & i sometimes hide behind trees until she chases me down with her tongue kisses while jumping on me to say she has triumphed over my challenge.

coffee & wind in the afternoon.  squishy pillows, covers, paintbrushes, time to sort through the personal thoughts i’ve put off all week when work is consuming & leaves me no energy to process other parts of life.  i look up at the clouds & remember how bright the stars were last night.  a few more than the familiar few & i wished wishes willingly while whimsically wondering what would come.

tomorrow is another day.  every day is a day that can change something.  every day is a day that can change everything.  every day is a day we can make our own.

the. answers.

too little to understand
you comprehend
the depth of hugs
the placement of hands
on what bodies
& the words
the non-questions
you speak feelings
outward to space
you wonder
who is listening
who hears
& when you get older
you value
the people
who simply ask
how you are
& you struggle
with the people
you speak at
like you spoke
at the stars
into the wind
your thoughts
still just escaping
somewhere
because the
simple questions
remain
unasked
& not understanding
quite again
you just
keep.
speaking.
the.
answers.

the ability to feel

someone once told me that feeling is an ability.  each unique emotion we have the compacity to feel is able to be developed, grown & learned through experiences… happiness, magic, fear, sadness, excitement, love…

i think people forget that we need others to develop our ability to feel, to open up, to experience things that can only be created by the combustion of two people coming together in a such a way that doesn’t need to make sense.

these are the things that make the world beautiful.  i guess we really do need to depend on others in order to be able to depend on ourself… Every single moment is made better… by being able to really feel it.

close our eyes and really feel it

I wonder if all people live for the magic in life… the memories you can’t explain accurately again.

I would construct these moments before they even happened in my head since I was a little girl, obsessed w/the feeling I’d feel from time to time… how it would change my perspective, my range of emotions, my entire life. .

Now, months away from coming out of my twentysomething years, I feel a bit like I was all wrong.  I realize that I can create magic everyday on my own and that it belongs to no one else.  It’s watching cartoons on a Saturday morning wrapped in blankets in my hammock.  It’s getting to build something truly amazing every single day I go to work.  It’s thinking so much my brain literally feels exhausted every night… in the best way possible. It’s my dog licking your face at 2am and it driving me to take the time to drink tea on a blanket in the backyard just to stare at the <5 stars that only ever exist in the London sky.  It’s using the time on the tube to learn new things… amazed at the fact there’s a never ending amount of things and people to discover.

Sure, there’s still the moments that exist with someone else, but I’ve learned that these moments aren’t the ones we should seek out.  It’s exhausting to hop from magic back to everyday life… to feel like everything and then just disconnect, waiting for the next moment to exist with no control over when it will happen.  It’s always a little bit painful, no matter how easy the magic comes the next time around, to have to check out… to feel so disconnected from someone or something for a lot longer than the magic ever exists the next time it appears.

Sitting here tonight next to my dog with a candle burning listening to a record I can lean back and sigh a happy sigh because life is mine, it’s yours… it’s all of ours.  We can pull over to look at the stars, keep driving to some destination or change the path whenever we choose.  Most of the time we’ll accidentally go over the speed limit, but there will be moments where we’ll purposely slow down to take in life… to close our eyes and really feel it.

 

Familiar is perspective

Familiar can be found across the planet in little things we’re meant not to overlook.  There’s now some level of predictability on my walk home.  Feelings I know so well are resurfaced by the same challenges or delights.  I found these things when I didn’t have anything else but an air mattress.  I depended on them to make London feel like a home instead of a city.

Boxes arrive full of things. Scene ends.

I find bits of my life I had completely forgotten about as I unpack each box.  I didn’t ever need most of what I brought and the things I did need aren’t the things I would have guessed.

I have learned so much about myself in the process of packing up my life, moving to Europe and being challenged to find a life here. I find more and more of myself in London everyday, but most importantly I have realized that I already exist in every unfamiliar place.  Home is wherever I am.  It’s in all the places I have never been.

Fade away

You remember feeling out of place. Being dull was so much easier than standing out. You could never figure out how to fade into the background. It inflicted sadness instead of celebration.

rewinds aren’t life

If only the words would have come out at a different time in a place that wasn’t where our feet were in that moment the prospect would have been lovely instead of terrifying.

up and away

Sometimes in a single moment you’re sad you haven’t instantly moved forward, but you look back and realize how far you’ve come by unknowingly taking a half a step each day.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.